Teach me how to love again.

It was 1:35 am, but sleep had lost it's way back home. I held her in my arms. I knew this was it. Her time was up. Her eyes wanted me to leave, so I didn't have to go through the pain of losing her. I begged myself to stay. I promised I would go through this despite the anguish and agony. I didn't want to lose her; but neither did I want to lose as much as a second to the regret of not spending time with my beloved. I kissed her. She wanted me to love again. She wanted me to fill this void with someone else; which I deemed a fallacy by all means; for I knew that could never happen. Emotional precipitations abound, as she lay motionless; her life finally slipped away. Now to find a way to expedite the process of moving on. What I had; what I lost was someone to whom love was not a part of life, but life itself.

Its been 4 years. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of her. As much as I hate to admit this, but yes.. I have cried myself to sleep at times. I made credible attempts to forget our times together, but unbeknownst to myself, I had her in my mind. Are memories supposed to hurt or heal wounds? And finally, I saw someone like her. The resemblance was striking! Same hair and all. Irate; I wanted to look away. It began to hurt like it did that night. I didn't want to breathe for the fear of choking on her demise all over again. Scars are as important as healed wounds, remember? That's what she taught me. Why should I stand in my own way? I didn't want to disobey her anymore. Her epiphany was my drop of water; one that every dormant seed needs to break it's shackles of brown and germinate into a beautiful green. I smiled.

For the first time since her dying eyes asked me to move on, I had thoughts about making peace with impending change; with myself. My instincts told me she was watching, just like she patiently has for years; lying in wait to see me love again. I asked myself: Was she the one? Have I moved on? Have I learnt to love again? And then, she gave me a sign that was a big yes to all my questions; she wagged her tail...

Lily

It was an incredibly rainy and chilly night. I kept rubbing my hands together and tried my best to avoid the little bullets fired by the rain gods. Finally, I found a little shed. Placing my bag on the floor, I checked my cell phone: Battery about to die. I sighed deeply. Could this day get any lonelier? Hold that thought. A dark figure approached. Footsteps accompanied by the sweet sound of anklets. Moments later, I saw the most beautiful girl humanity could ever lay eyes on. My face instantaneously broke into a wide smile. She smiled back.
“Hi!", I said. “Don't you think we should go someplace drier? The nip in the air is killing me." When was the last time I heard English being spoken better?! Like a fool short of words, I said “We?" “You're not from around here, are you?" “Yes I am; just returned from a day at work. Missed my bus." “Everyone calls me Lily. You haven't heard of me?" “Uhh.. no." “My business doesn't necessitate introductions, you see.." “Care for some bhajiyas and hot chai?" “Are you asking me out on a rainy date?!" Blood red with embarrassment. We went to a little hotel nearby. Everyone at the hotel stared at us like we were from Jupiter. “Lily is a beautiful name. Your English is fantastic. How did..." “Spare me the routine", she interrupted. Taking a little sip with those luscious lips, she said "I was Lalita once. An English professor at the MH College of Arts. My husband and his friends raped me one night. I sought refuge in a women's shelter, where the owner raped me and sold me to a brothel. Long story short, I could give you a discount for tonight. And isn't the chai wonderful?"

It stopped raining. Only outside. My eyes were in a turmoil of emotions. The hotel owner was pleased with the amount of food and chai we were ordering. We talked for hours. I couldn't help but notice how free her spirit was. She was ethereally pure! Smashing the beautiful silence was the honking of a car. It was my friend. He got into the hotel. “Whoa.. you are one lucky dude.. But why are you paying for her food? Are you in love with her or something?", he joked. Pat came my reply. “Yes..." The other kind of silence: the eerie one. “You are in love with a whore?" “Yes. And I don't even deserve her, do I?" Ahh that awkward silence! We walked away from her. And those anklets sounded again. I turned around and she was right behind me. She placed her palm on my left cheek and kissed me on the right. “I should've married you..."